Should a Manager Date an Employee?

Should a Manager Date an Employee? Whether it is against company policy or not, which it is in most organizations, to date an employee, a manager should never do so unless they are prepared to open up a huge can of worms both professionally and personally.

No matter whether your job is blue collar or white collar, you need the respect of the people you supervise. One way to earn respect is to treat all those you are responsible for supervising in a fair and equal manner. Even if you happen to be completely different from the rest of the human race and can treat the person you are dating exactly the same as everyone else in the working environment, the other employees will never see it that way. In this case, the perception is as real and dangerous as the reality. Any time you have to discipline an employee, they will wonder if the person you are dating would have received the same treatment and hold bitterness and resentment about the disciplinary action based on that thinking. None of the other employees will ever believe that the person you are dating isn't receiving special perks and preferential treatment on the job. Again, this does not have to be true. You can be treating the person you are dating in exactly the same manner you treat everyone else and the majority of your employees will perceive a difference. This is simply human nature and cannot be avoided. If you make the further mistake of announcing that you are not treating the person you're dating any differently from anyone else, you will only amplify the issue. It's truly a lose-lose situation. Most managers are responsible for writing the evaluations or performance appraisals for those they supervise. If this is the case, it will be more difficult for the manager dating an employee to provide that person with a fair, objective and accurate evaluation. No matter how fair minded you think you are, your evaluation will be colored, even subconsciously, by where you stand in the relationship at the time it is conducted. If, for example, you're in the early stages of your relationship and things are wonderful and exciting, you will be more likely to write glowing comments and appraise the employee's work performance on a higher level than it may actually be. If you and the person you are dating had a fight or a falling out last week, you will undoubtedly bring that negative baggage into the evaluation room and may unfairly rate the employee lower than deserved. These are things that the person considering dating an employee will swear to themselves they would never do, but we are human before we are managers and human emotions and the irrationality that accompany them have a way of creeping into everything we do. When a manager dates an employee, they also are crossing a societal line of sorts between management and workers. The employee who is dating the manager will find him or herself ostracized by the other employees because she is seen as consorting with the enemy. No matter how good employee relations are at your particular place of business, management is always, to a certain degree, seen as "them" versus "us." By dating one of your employees, you have effectively taken her out of the "us" category and moved her into the "them" category in the eyes of her coworkers. You have placed her in a limbo of sorts because she is now no longer totally a part of her familiar social group and she is not truly part of yours, either. On a personal level, you've created a mess for yourself that simply isn't worth it. Consider the performance appraisal or evaluation. Imaging having to go out on a date afterward. Now, the employee didn't just get a negative comment or fail to receive the raise she thought she deserved because of her boss, she got that negative comment or lack of a raise because of YOU. Good luck with that one. You probably won't be getting dessert. Another pitfall of dating someone with whom you work, let alone someone you supervise, is the fact that you are surrendering the break between your work and personal lives that we all need. You and your partner will inevitably wind up "bringing work home with you" by talking about it. It will be harder for either of you to be objective and supportive of the other when one has had a bad day at work because you're both too close to the situation. Frankly, sometimes you'll just be sick of thinking and talking about work as well, and this will adversely effect your communication with your partner. As you can see, there are a wide variety of both professional and personal reasons a manager should avoid dating an employee. We spend so much of our lives working these days that it may be more convenient or easier to meet someone at work, but it's well worth the extra effort to try and meet someone for a dating relationship who you aren't responsible for supervising. Should a Manager Date an Employee?